030: How to ‘hold the mother’: 3 strategies that will *actually* make a difference
A candid Q&A with an OB/GYN on the front lines of revolutionizing postpartum care
Of all of the things I have written about motherhood in the past few years, one poem seems to have resonated the most: It’s something short that I penned in my head while driving (seriously, I pulled over to jot it down) a few months after having my second daughter.
The poem is called What if?
What if we held the mother first? What if we held her so much that she could breathe out those worries — the ones wrapping those tight circles in her mind? What if we asked her, how are you really doing? And what if we held space for the answer — whatever it might be? What if we listened? What if we gifted her with our own stories, our own truths? What if she listened? What if we told her we knew it was hard because we’ve walked her walk? What if we weren’t so quick to forget? What if we told her that we get it and that in all of that hard, you are doing so very well? What if we did that before we held the baby? And what if, in all of that space, she felt ready for us to hold the baby — because she felt held herself?
The crux of the poem is that mothers matter. And when we care for mothers — when we hold them with the same amount of care and consideration we too often reserve for their babies — everything is better.
Beyond this being a core belief of the Two Truths newsletter, our advocacy work via Chamber of Mothers, and our journalism work, research also finds it to be true. Quality postpartum and maternal health care has profound benefits for mothers, babies, families, economies, and society at large. Holding mothers matters.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Tell me about it, but where are the hands to hold me?” we hear you. There is plenty of room for space and growth on a big-picture scale. We need more laws that put mothers first. We need a federal paid leave policy that allows mothers the time and space to heal from childbirth and grow into motherhood. We need affordable childcare. We need more community care. The list goes on.
We also know that there are ways — big and small — to hold the mother (whether that’s yourself, your best friend, your sister, a coworker, or a mother you may never meet but care about all the same).
So, how do we hold the mother? Recently, Two Truths caught up with our friend and colleague Rachel Blake, M.D., an obstetrician-gynecologist in Boston, MA.
Dr. Blake is uniquely positioned to answer our question because she is at the forefront of holding mothers and their babies from pregnancy through postpartum: She’s an OB/GYN. She *also* advocates for the safety and well-being of mothers as a board member at Chamber of Mothers, and she is a mother herself. Dr. Blake is a changemaker. In part, that’s because she knows that her industry of obstetrics has a long way to go in terms of truly holding the mother. She’s giving voice to areas of improvement: “A lot of work needs to be done in our field about supporting moms through at least three months postpartum, but ideally through six and 12 months postpartum,” she told us.
What else did she have to say? Keep reading for Dr. Blake’s three biggest suggestions for how to hold the mothers in your life (including yourself) — from handling postpartum guests to the number one thing to do in pregnancy and why postpartum doesn’t end at six weeks.
(Plus: Questions to ask your insurance company, a mom-focused registry you need to know about, how to make asking for help feel easier, and more!)
—Cassie
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How Do We Hold the Mother?
Three ways to put mothers first, according to obstetrician-gynecologist Rachel Blake, M.D.
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