Welcome to Two Truths, a bestselling newsletter exploring the many truths of motherhood from journalists & maternal health advocates Cassie Shortsleeve & Kelsey Haywood Lucas of Motherspeak. Two Truths is rooted in the healing & affirming principle that two (or more) things can be true. It’s a “best parenting Substack” per Motherly and The Skimm says you should subscribe; also seen on Vox, TODAY.com, HuffPo & more.
Poet Kate Baer’s words—or, in the case of her popular erasure poetry, the absence of them—have become connective tissue for women and mothers everywhere.
You read her work and you think, yes, that’s it. Take ‘The Postpartum Questionnaire,’ in which she translates a familiar clinical screening (the Edinburgh Scale used to diagnose postpartum depression and anxiety) into an achingly familiar feeling (“I have lost my grip on this world and can no longer see what use to sit in front of me”).
With close to a quarter of a million Instagram followers, Baer remains fairly private (you won’t find her face all over her feed) and refreshingly forthcoming—a recent issue of her Good News/Bad News newsletter was entitled ‘on losing track of my rectum (and other problems).’
She’s as open about her struggles in early motherhood, medication, and the importance of childcare as she is about unexpected joys, the magic of female friendship, and the power of support.
Baer is a mom of four and a three-time New York Times best-selling poet (What Kind of Woman, I Hope This Finds You Well, and And Yet). Her fourth book, How About Now, is out today. We were thrilled to speak with her about it—plus her writing process, maternal mental health, burnout, relationships, and more.
—Cassie & Kelsey
Very often, reading your poetry makes us feel—and we mean this in the most complimentary way possible—like we got punched in the gut. It takes our breath away. You have this incredible ability to make life—the messy moments, the average moments, all of the moments—feel poignant and profound; you are hyper specific in your phrasing, and yet women everywhere relate deeply to what you write. How do you do it? What is your process like? Are you jotting observations and ideas down every day? Do you walk around thinking in verse? Where does all your wisdom come from—and how can we borrow a little bit of it?
Wisdom! That’s such a generous word to assign to me, but I think what you’re describing is just paying attention, which is what writers have to do, or else there’s not much to work with. As the incredible poet Naomi Shihab Nye writes, “You can’t order a poem like you order a taco.” You have to notice what’s already there.
As far as process, the meat of the poetry arrives in the motions of daily life. This means I either email myself the idea/phrase/lines, put it in my notes app, or handwrite on whatever is close by. The actual arranging of sentences and the “writing” happens in very structured, pre-planned time when my children are in school or when I have childcare. Without that time there would be no books!
We really appreciate the light your poetry shines on mental health, particularly for women and mothers—it’s a constant theme that seems to touch all of your work, and it’s especially at the forefront of pieces like ‘Postpartum Questionnaire’ (And Yet) and How About Now’s ‘Panic Attack Assessment Worksheet’ and ‘Gynecology Intake Form.’ How has your own mental health journey evolved over the time you’ve been writing poetry, and what, if any, role has your writing played in it? Anything you’ve learned that you’d want to share with our readers who are grappling with their own mental health challenges while mothering in the midst of *gestures widely at the world*?
My poetry is personal by nature, so mental health has always found its way onto the page. It’s something I’m continually navigating rather than something I’ve overcome. Depression has been a lifelong companion, and in more recent years, medical anxiety has joined the mix after some unexpected health issues. I’m still learning what it means to live with both, but connection—with other women who’ve walked similar paths, with the natural world, and with my own body—has helped enormously. So has the right medication. None of it’s tidy, but writing allows me the privilege of a witness and an outlet to create something real and true.
As two people whose work is deeply rooted in the motherhood space, we both really relate to ‘Burnout’ (from And Yet). Do you think that, at some point, mothers need to step away from the “industry” of mothering? How, as a community of mother supporters, do we balance informing with overload?
Millennials are the first to balance mothering their children in the real world while also consuming endless amounts of parenting information in the virtual world. “Burnout” came from exactly what it sounds like…burnout. I wrote that poem with four young children at a time when I was just trying to make it through the day. It didn’t take much (one infographic on breastfeeding) to push me over the edge. These days I’ve been able to somewhat curate what appears in front of me, but the struggle is still real. I’m not sure how to create balance in mothering spaces online, but I think as a consumer, we can be intentional about what and who we allow in our virtual worlds and how much time we spend there in general. There is a difference between connection and overwhelm and that line is different for everyone.
Erasure poetry pops up throughout all of your books (and gets its own special collection in I Hope This Finds You Well)—much of it responding to rude, out-of-touch, or very heavy sentiments in a way that feels like a really wise clap-back. Any advice for taking something ugly and turning it into something with value and meaning?
For erasure poetry, my advice is a spirit of playfulness and an eye for nouns. For coping in general, I suggest the longest walk you can manage without sending your family into a tailspin because “mom has been gone for a long time.” I’ve had my best ideas on my mental health walks. I’m sure you’ll cook up something.
Kelsey once had her husband read ‘Deleted Sentences’ (What Kind of Woman) so he could better understand why she always asks him exactly what time he’ll be finished working for the day. It makes us wonder: Does your poetry ever serve as a communication tool, either in your marriage or in your other relationships more generally? Are you able to express things in your poetry that aren’t so easy to say to someone in casual conversation? How do you handle hard conversations in real life?
I love that so much! I don’t write poems and immediately hand them to my husband, but maybe I should! I do write pieces for people (including my husband, friends, enemies, etc) and stick them in my books. As far as real life conversations, I think I’m getting better at that. Some of it comes with age and experience, the rest is the lifelong work of loosening my grip on ego and remembering we’re all human. That’s not to say the ego disappears, but being aware of it has probably had the biggest impact on my relationships and sense of connection.
To wrap things up, let’s talk about ‘Second Coming’ and its last lines: “I know I was meant for living. / I know it’s not too late.” Can you tell us what “living” looks like for you right now? What’s next for Kate Baer?
Living, for me, is throwing spaghetti at the wall. Not being afraid of failure. Taking risks. Creating art that feels alive. Spending time in the real world with real people and all of their mess and nuance and comedy. It’s all I want. It’s all I pray for. I hope that’s what’s next for the rest of my life. ❍
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Resources and Support For Maternal Mental Health
Emergency assistance is available 24/7 at 911
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 988
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (1-833-TLC-MAMA or 1-833-852-6262) provides access to a trained counselor 24/7 and is available in Spanish and English
Postpartum Support International provides educational resources on PMADs, free support groups, webinars, advanced trainings for providers, and more
Postpartum Support International’s provider directory includes a list of thousands of trained professionals organized by state
The Motherhood Center offers counseling, support groups, and webinars
The Postpartum Stress Center offers educational resources, counseling, a referral list of trained providers, and advanced training for providers
SUPPORT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH WITH POSTPARTUM SUPPORT INTERNATIONAL (PSI). PSI is a global champion for perinatal mental health that connects individuals and families to the resources and support needed to give them the strongest and healthiest start possible. Visit postpartum.net for information on perinatal mental health disorders, access to 30+ free, online support groups, an online provider directory, the PSI HelpLine, local support coordinators, a perinatal mental health discussion tool, specialized support resources, and more. Call the PSI HelpLine toll-free at 1-800-944-4773 for basic information, support, and resources. Support via text message is also available at 800-944-4773 (English) and 971-203-2773 (Español). Remember: You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.
Cannot wait to get my hands on the new book!