094: ‘I can’t stop thinking about those girls’: A child psychologist unpacks collective grief after the Texas flood tragedy
“One of the most important things is validating and normalizing what parents are feeling so that they don’t feel shame.”
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In the early morning hours of high summer’s holiday, July 4, a Southern summer camp became the site of tragedy: At Camp Mystic in Central Texas, flash flooding from a rapidly rising Guadalupe River claimed the lives of 27 people, many of them young girls. Among them were eight-year-old twin sisters.
As waters rose in the middle of the night, counselors wrote girls' names on their arms in case the worst-case scenario happened.
Some campers tried to hold hands.
Some didn’t make it.
It’s the kind of story that splits your heart open, especially if you’re a parent packing your daughter’s trunk, labeling her socks, and reminding her to write. You let your child go just a little, trusting the world to hold her.
“To any parent who sends their child to overnight camp, this is unfathomable,” says Toronto-based perinatal and child psychologist Tanya Cotler, Ph.D., who currently has two children at overnight camp. “The words ‘I can't imagine it’ come to mind—and yet we can imagine it, and it is our greatest fear.”
One of the most common sentiments we’ve heard from parents right now is ‘I can’t stop thinking about those girls.’
But how do we sit with the pain, without letting it swallow us, and how do we stay soft without hardening when the world feels anything but safe? In our recent collaboration with Fast Company, Cotler walks us through ‘collective grief’ in parenthood, including how to channel it into healing action and support those walking through the deepest pain of all: losing a child.
You can read the piece on Fast Company here: ‘A child psychologist unpacks collective grief after the Texas flood tragedy.’
—Cassie & Kelsey
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Resources and Support For Maternal Mental Health
Emergency assistance is available 24/7 at 911
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 988
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (1-833-TLC-MAMA or 1-833-852-6262) provides access to a trained counselor 24/7 and is available in Spanish and English
Postpartum Support International provides educational resources on PMADs, free support groups, webinars, advanced trainings for providers, and more
Postpartum Support International’s provider directory includes a list of thousands of trained professionals organized by state
The Motherhood Center offers counseling, support groups, and webinars
The Postpartum Stress Center offers educational resources, counseling, a referral list of trained providers, and advanced training for providers
SUPPORT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH WITH POSTPARTUM SUPPORT INTERNATIONAL (PSI). PSI is a global champion for perinatal mental health that connects individuals and families to the resources and support needed to give them the strongest and healthiest start possible. Visit postpartum.net for information on perinatal mental health disorders, access to 30+ free, online support groups, an online provider directory, the PSI HelpLine, local support coordinators, a perinatal mental health discussion tool, specialized support resources, and more. Call the PSI HelpLine toll-free at 1-800-944-4773 for basic information, support, and resources. Support via text message is also available at 800-944-4773 (English) and 971-203-2773 (Español). Remember: You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.