090: 70 affirmations to use in labor and birth

Plus: How they work, the four-step framework to use, and the power of passing them on

When preparing for the birth of my son, I wrote my birth affirmations on the back of oxytocin-boosting photos of my daughter to use during labor. —Kelsey

Welcome to Two Truths, a bestselling newsletter & media brand exploring the many truths of motherhood from journalists & maternal health advocates Cassie Shortsleeve & Kelsey Haywood Lucas of Motherspeak. Two Truths is rooted in the healing & affirming principle that two (or more) things can be true. It’s a “best parenting Substack” per Motherly and The Skimm says you should subscribe; also seen in Vox, The Bump, Popsugar & more.

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Birth. 

It can be beautiful, and it can be terrifying. Unfamiliar, yet intuitive. Blissful, yet traumatic. In birth, all things can be true; and all those conflicting sentiments swirling around are different for everyone.

One commonality that often emerges, however, is the dauntingness of it all. No matter how many times we’ve given birth, no matter how much we’ve prepared for it (or not), birth requires a complete plunge into the unknown with very little control over the path ahead. 

Once birth begins and in whatever way it happens—whether it’s spontaneous or induced, on a bed or on an operating table, there is no stopping it, no slowing it, no taking a break. 

And while we could be in a room full of people—and we often are—we birth alone. 

That’s precisely why birth affirmations can be so powerful.

The two authors of this newsletter have given birth five times between us. We’ve had different attitudes and approaches about how we wanted to birth, how we prepared for birth, and what mattered to us. And yet we both ended up using birth affirmations—for different reasons, in different ways.

To understand how birth affirmations work, we can look at the science of positive affirmations in general. There’s a wide body of research: Some of it tells us that affirmations can be an effective way to boost confidence, thanks in part to the brain’s neuroplasticity, or its ability to change and adapt. (The idea is that the more we affirm a new concept or thought, the stronger the neural pathway becomes that leads to it.) One study points to affirmations as a way to alleviate feelings of threat and defensiveness; another suggests they can reduce stress. 

Maybe you’ve heard phrases like “you steer where you stare” or “your words become your world.” By telling yourself that you are calm and safe during birth, you create an opportunity for your body to operate accordingly: Your muscles may relax; your breathing may deepen; your heart rate could slow. With a calmer and clearer mind, your pain may be more tolerable. You may be better able to flip to a new birthing position that’s more comfortable for you, or more likely to relax your jaw (since it’s connected to the pelvic floor, simply opening your mouth could help the baby pass through more easily in a vaginal birth). These little things matter. A lot.

Affirmations can be one way to help address more complex concepts, too. If you’re birthing after a pregnancy or infant loss, or after a previous traumatic birth, affirmations can help train the brain to trust again. If you’re struggling with anxiety and self-doubt, you might use a positive, affirmative phrase to counteract those feelings you want to overcome. For example: Choosing the phrase, “I trust my body to deliver my healthy baby,” even though it may be difficult for you to believe that, can help to shift thought patterns and improve overall outlook.

Birth affirmations aren’t magic; they can’t prevent tragic outcomes or heal broken hearts. But they can be a powerful tool. They’re a way to edit the narrative of our births in real time; to better control our physical bodies; to influence how we perceive what’s happening both within us and around us. They can help us reject our doubts, move past grief, and even transcend trauma. Birth affirmations are a choice we make with our minds; they’re an attempt to will the birth we want into existence, or to more peacefully accept the birth we get. 

I think some of the best affirmations are the ones passed from one mother to another; maybe they pick up a little more power each time they’re used. My wise friend Jess gave me one of her birth affirmations; I used it; and then I gave a special version of it to Cassie. Let’s keep that going, OK?

In the next section, we’re going to dive into the details of drafting a customized set of birth affirmations. Then, you’ll find a list of 70 affirmations to give you inspiration and ideas for writing your own.

We hope you find something here that you—or someone you love—can find strength and comfort in. And if you do? Don’t forget to pass them on.

—Kelsey

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How to customize a set of affirmations for you and your birth

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